Riding the Waves

Was chatting with a friend and we got to talking about the effects we allow others to have on us. Because that's it, isn't it? People can't bother us, unless we let them. So how do we let them bother us? We figured it was by how much access we allow them in our lives.

The analogy was that our lives were like a series of circles around a core, getting bigger on the outside as we extended our group of those we associated with. This analogy has been around for forever, pertaining to a number of topics and looks like this:

Those we keep in our inner circle are the ones we trust the most. The ones we talk to most often, and whom we share our most intimate moments and thoughts with. They're also the ones who can hurt us the most, but we believe won't. The middle circles are our friends and acquaintances that we still hang out with, chat with...but we maybe don't divulge anything we consider that serious and personal. And as we reach the outer circles, these are the people we just know on the fly. Maybe Facebook friends we've never met, or old friends from whom we've grown away from. Some of them are also people who we once did trust, including family, that we now keep on the farthest reaches of our lives. At an arms length, so to speak.

So when they do or say something that offends, frightens or angers us, they create a ripple in our lives. Those closest to us, create the most waves and we feel the effects of their ripples most strongly because they are close enough that we get splashed onto. But those on the outer limits, have a far less impact. By the time their ripples reach us, it may be enough to rock the boat, but rarely will it tip us over. We can usually sail right through these waves and not give it much thought.

All my life, until recently, I kept everyone on the outer circles. That way, nothing could get to me. But, as I started to find like-minded people, I began to allow people into the closer circles. This created chaos. I wasn't mentally or emotionally strong enough, so handle their waves. They tossed me over board, every single time.

I would react so strongly, that my waves affected everyone around me, even those who kept me on their outer edges.

So I started to help myself. I took course after course. Saw counsellor after counsellor. And slowly, it began to settle. I lost a lot of people overboard along the way, but I kept a couple experts who rode the hell outta the waves like a champion surfer. And I began to find a balance of where to keep people in my life, and how to react...better. Less monsoon like. Less tidal wavey.

This balance has brought around a sense of peace. I'm still working on things, and I know it'll be a work in progress for likely my lifetime, but I'm here. Finding a calm amidst the storm.