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Making it...together.

9/24/2017

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I can't rightly tell you exactly when or how our friendship started, but it's quickly become one of my most important. She's changed my view of real, true, meaningful relationships. And she's now one of my favourite humans. What I can tell you is that it started with a dog.
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I've had dozens of women friends. Some I would have placed a bet on being life timers. I was sure they were my besties. My fierce lady friends. However, I'm hard on people...I'm hard to love. This I know. My decent into self destruction, and the follow up rebuilding stage was a time in my life of pushing people away. Finding their limits, then stepping over them. I'm to blame, and I paid the biggest price in losing my best friend in Keith.

I was leery. Walls up. No one was getting in again. Not on a real level. I wasn't going to allow anyone to get to me again...no way. Friendships were defined in my world by hurt, mistrust, pain, abandonment and anger. Megan redefined this for me. It became about love, acceptance, loyalty, trust and joy.
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So, why is she so special? I've asked myself this, I have an answer for it. She allowed me to be me. The hurt, the mistrust, the pain, the abandonment issues and the anger. She helped turn that into loving myself, accepting myself, fierce loyalty, trusting others and living in joy again. She doesn't bat an eye when I switch from redneck spew to hippity dippity babble. Not once has she ever told me to "get over it". She was, is, and I'm sure will continue to be the most epic friend.


She uses phrases like "We have this, I got you", "I'm not letting you go through this alone" and my most recent, personal favourite "Vandal is OURS fair and square". Somewhere along the way, what was hers became mine, and mine hers. She's the kind of friend who walks in, grabs the wine and then listens to your woes til the wee hours of the morning. She values ladies nights, fits you into her life and is always up for a rodeo adventure. She thinks about you, even when she's in the middle of her own personal hell. She stands on the earth in her bare feet with you, and gets up for 5am yoga with you. She changes the radio station before you even get in the truck. She defends fiercely, supports unwaveringly and sends me awkward selfies so I can enjoy her most uncomfortable moments!


And she sends me things like this:
This lady is everything you'd ever want in a friend, then goes the extra mile. I'm pretty sure she has faults, but they tend to go unnoticed when her strengths shine so brightly.


So if you ever get a chance to get into this girls inner circle, don't hesitate. You'll be loved, honoured, helped up, reminded of your worth and held in esteem. When you find a friend like that, you hold onto it.
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Thank you, Megan...for being you, so I am free to be me.
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Choices

9/14/2017

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On the one year anniversary of attending Choices, it's definitely been a journey. One I wouldn't have had the bravery to face alone, without Choices.

When we went, they asked you to take three months after G2, to make any major decisions. I did not wait. I was never patient. But I understand completely now, why they asked that. Three months was not even long enough for me to really understand a lot of the processes and tools that were presented. I stumbled and fell A LOT during those first few months. I always seem to take the long way around! A year later, I have finally taken those three months. And I finally have an answer for what Choices was, and is, to me.

It's self awareness, self acceptance and self love.

It's a common goal for humanity. It's a lifetime commitment to honesty, integrity and the path to peace. It's finding your purpose, and giving it back to others. It's understanding that habits are hard to break, but new habits can take their place...healthy habits. It's truly acknowledging that we are all human. We will all fall. But it's how we learn to fall that matters. In sports they teach us how to properly fall down, in Choices they teach us how to emotionally fall. And how to get back up without guilt, shame or regret. It's reaching out to others, and accepting a hand up. Looking to the sky, with feet planted to the ground. It's balance.

It's also hard work. And the work never stops if you're doing your job well. It's constantly asking yourself, is this who I am? Who I want to be? Then making the course adjustments to sail into your very best life. The very best version, of You. What that looks like is different for everyone, and it's accepting others just they way they are...in the exact moment of their own journey. Kindness, it doesn't cost a damn thing.

So Joe, Mary and Thelma...
Thank You seems so simple. Like not enough. You really are changing hearts, one at a time. If the whole world took Choices in school, we could start a revolution...but then again, you already have. So, Thank You for creating this program, and believing in all of Us, so we could believe in Us too.

And, just like standing up there with that microphone (which was terrifying for me)....My name is Kari, and I am a trusting woman helping others make connections. What choices gave me was, and still is, that I no longer have to justify who I am. I am enough. 💜
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Inspiration comes from the strangest sources...

9/10/2017

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Today I got two messages. Both of them from different aspects of my life. But both telling me how to live it.


Now, being an adult and semi aware of the world around me, I understand that being open, vulnerable and honest...makes people cringe. It makes them uncomfortable, and often it makes them angry. When you're truly free with your life story, sometimes that doesn't sit well with the characters in your story. Gawd knows I'd be horrified to see my role in some people's lives written out for the world to see. That's why I don't mention names of the people whom have done wrong to me. With the exception of one. Because it was important to me for the world to know he is dangerous. Instead, I try to acknowledge the people who I have done wrong to. Who deserve an apology.
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So this first woman tries to tell me who not to talk about, and how quickly to get over my loss. Now this is something I'd like to focus on for a minute. I believe it's extremely important: DON'T EVER LET ANYONE DETERMINE THE LENGTH OF YOUR GRIEF. Ever. Period. Your loss, is yours to experience. It's yours to mourn and it's never ok for anyone to tell you it's time to move on or get over it.

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This is something I've been told a few times about my step brother. To just get over it. Mind you, the majority haven't had the courage to say it to my face...which I get. I really do. I've 100% been guilty of talking shit, and not being willing to say it out loud to those it's intended for. This can be healthy. We all need to vent. And it goes back to the idea of when someone vents to you, trusts you with their darkest thoughts...you protect that. Because one day, you will need to spew and slander and rant. And you won't mean it, deep down. It's just sometimes we need to get it out. Lose our cool, but in a safe place.
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So my whole point here is to let you all know that it's ok to hurt and grieve and mourn for as long as it takes you. When you lose something that is extremely significant and important to you...please, don't let anyone push you into a place you're not at. You are awesome exactly where you're at. And the people who love you...respect you...will hold space with you in that moment. And they will stay, until you are you again. Sometimes you will be you again for weeks, months. Then you will fall, crash and burn again. And again, they will stay. Find that tribe and know that you are worthy and loved.
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The second message was about what to do with my dog. Now I'm fairly certain that it was an innocent message, intended to help me out. I can appreciate that. I truly can. But not from this person. Not ever again. The trust and relationship has been so badly damaged that I'd prefer they forgot I existed. The first message told me I was "allowed" to "keep doing my dog classes", the second that I "could" breed my dog to anyone I chose, but to not with a certain stud. Gee, thanks. Thank you for the permission to live my life how I see fit. I thought that was a given, but alas, here was my permission being given to me. From someone who is a complete stranger, and another whom I wish was.
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So my second point is this: DON'T. Don't tell others how to live their life, or assume that you understand their situation. Don't impose your opinion on someone because of a moment of ego filled passion. Don't let how they live, affect who you are. Even if they're wrong, don't.
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I've done this too many times to count on both hands and feet. But I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to live and let live. I have some very strong opinions. Everything from religion to sea world, and I often let the world know exactly what those opinions are. However I'm trying to remember with each and every encounter I have, to not bring my own opinions into the life of someone else. Advice is one thing when asked for, imposing is a whole other thing. Social media often blurs these lines. It can be perceived as an open invitation to say what you want, when you want, and to who you want without filter or consideration. I suppose that's exactly what I'm doing right now. So just do your best, and try not to directly interfere with anyone's freedom of voice, and freedom of choice.
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