Today I got two messages. Both of them from different aspects of my life. But both telling me how to live it.
Now, being an adult and semi aware of the world around me, I understand that being open, vulnerable and honest...makes people cringe. It makes them uncomfortable, and often it makes them angry. When you're truly free with your life story, sometimes that doesn't sit well with the characters in your story. Gawd knows I'd be horrified to see my role in some people's lives written out for the world to see. That's why I don't mention names of the people whom have done wrong to me. With the exception of one. Because it was important to me for the world to know he is dangerous. Instead, I try to acknowledge the people who I have done wrong to. Who deserve an apology.
Now, being an adult and semi aware of the world around me, I understand that being open, vulnerable and honest...makes people cringe. It makes them uncomfortable, and often it makes them angry. When you're truly free with your life story, sometimes that doesn't sit well with the characters in your story. Gawd knows I'd be horrified to see my role in some people's lives written out for the world to see. That's why I don't mention names of the people whom have done wrong to me. With the exception of one. Because it was important to me for the world to know he is dangerous. Instead, I try to acknowledge the people who I have done wrong to. Who deserve an apology.
So this first woman tries to tell me who not to talk about, and how quickly to get over my loss. Now this is something I'd like to focus on for a minute. I believe it's extremely important: DON'T EVER LET ANYONE DETERMINE THE LENGTH OF YOUR GRIEF. Ever. Period. Your loss, is yours to experience. It's yours to mourn and it's never ok for anyone to tell you it's time to move on or get over it.
This is something I've been told a few times about my step brother. To just get over it. Mind you, the majority haven't had the courage to say it to my face...which I get. I really do. I've 100% been guilty of talking shit, and not being willing to say it out loud to those it's intended for. This can be healthy. We all need to vent. And it goes back to the idea of when someone vents to you, trusts you with their darkest thoughts...you protect that. Because one day, you will need to spew and slander and rant. And you won't mean it, deep down. It's just sometimes we need to get it out. Lose our cool, but in a safe place.
So my whole point here is to let you all know that it's ok to hurt and grieve and mourn for as long as it takes you. When you lose something that is extremely significant and important to you...please, don't let anyone push you into a place you're not at. You are awesome exactly where you're at. And the people who love you...respect you...will hold space with you in that moment. And they will stay, until you are you again. Sometimes you will be you again for weeks, months. Then you will fall, crash and burn again. And again, they will stay. Find that tribe and know that you are worthy and loved.
The second message was about what to do with my dog. Now I'm fairly certain that it was an innocent message, intended to help me out. I can appreciate that. I truly can. But not from this person. Not ever again. The trust and relationship has been so badly damaged that I'd prefer they forgot I existed. The first message told me I was "allowed" to "keep doing my dog classes", the second that I "could" breed my dog to anyone I chose, but to not with a certain stud. Gee, thanks. Thank you for the permission to live my life how I see fit. I thought that was a given, but alas, here was my permission being given to me. From someone who is a complete stranger, and another whom I wish was.
So my second point is this: DON'T. Don't tell others how to live their life, or assume that you understand their situation. Don't impose your opinion on someone because of a moment of ego filled passion. Don't let how they live, affect who you are. Even if they're wrong, don't.
I've done this too many times to count on both hands and feet. But I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to live and let live. I have some very strong opinions. Everything from religion to sea world, and I often let the world know exactly what those opinions are. However I'm trying to remember with each and every encounter I have, to not bring my own opinions into the life of someone else. Advice is one thing when asked for, imposing is a whole other thing. Social media often blurs these lines. It can be perceived as an open invitation to say what you want, when you want, and to who you want without filter or consideration. I suppose that's exactly what I'm doing right now. So just do your best, and try not to directly interfere with anyone's freedom of voice, and freedom of choice.