11 years ago today, I officially owned my acreage. Over those 11 years so much has changed I don’t even know the person I was back then.


I didn’t know that a few short years later, I’d meet the love of my life. Or that just a few years after that I would confront my biggest demon: the step brother who molested me. A past that laid dormant until I wanted to be able to love this man wholly. That through that process of facing a childhood trauma, I would lose the love of my life. Forever. Or that a few years even further down the road, I would lose Bosco. A loss so significant, it would spark a new direction entirely for my career and life. So was born Buff Co. A charity so close to my heart that explaining to people what we do is easy, explaining why we do it is never done without a lump in my throat.


So while the 3 years between losing Keith and losing Bosco has been filled with the deepest levels of growth, it’s also been building towards a success I couldn’t know without all the trauma, breakdown and loss. As I looked through some photos of the last 3 years, these selfies stood out. Laying them next to each other put a lot of things into perspective. How even though I have anxiety, I am not anxiety. It is just one of the many things that I am.


From dog trainer to dairy farmer. A time of finding out exactly how I was going to survive. A break in the rat race and back to good old fashioned hard work. From hunter to bow hunter, learning a new skill next to the ever faithful Ella dog, always ready to jump into action. Redneck hippie, happiest on my horse in the mountains, cowboy strong to the core while always maintaining a respect for nature. From all of that to fire fighter. A deep desire to make up for all the things I’ve said and done...the guts to prove that some people change. Serving a community that has been mine for 11 years. And of course anxious. The face of anxiety, taken on a day that my service dog passed her most important test.


I’ve worn so many faces in my pursuit of peace, I created stories that will last til I leave this place. I think they are all me, today, in this moment, they are the representation of a life starting over. Rebuilding from rock bottom to a solid foundation.


If you made it this far into my worm hole of a Thursday morning, I hope to see your face. Who you are. And who ever that is, know it’s enough.

TRUTH TUESDAY:


When our dog struggles we reach out to others for help. We are willing to gain the necessary skills and utilize the necessary tools to bring them a sense of balance. We support them. We love them and we do what we need to do to help them out. We talk to professionals and our friends. We join classes and clubs, investing in the healthy future of our canines.


So why are we so hesitant to do the same for ourselves?


The truth is: you are worth it. Be willing to help yourself out. Support a friend who is struggling. Make mental and emotional health normal. Talk. Heal. Gain the necessary tools to find some balance for yourself.


I still struggle Every. Single. Day.


I beat myself up for a past that caused a lot of people a lot of hurt. Hurt that was given freely but came with a huge price. I understand now that my actions and emotions were a fallout behaviour of a deep rooted trauma that affected every relationship in my life. Except my relationship with animals. I understood them. I was willing to help them through their struggles. Through those deep rooted traumas. Help them find a better way, a new reaction and a sense of calm. I did this through big lifestyle changes. Some corrections and a ton of reward for better behaviours.


It didn’t take long for me to realize I needed to do the same for myself if I was ever going to start to heal. So I began to invest in myself with the same passion and intensity that I had been investing in dogs for years. I got real. Sometimes it sucked and sometimes I wasn’t sure I’d make it through all the dust I was kicking up by merely changing everything about my reactions and my emotional responses. People don’t handle change well. Ask me how I know. No, we don’t give into the process of change the way most animals are willing to. And it is a process. It’s not an overnight fix, it’s a monsoon. It builds and builds, eventually taking out everything in its path until the winds shift and we are able to calm the storm. It’s from there that we must rebuild, and if we don’t rebuild with a solid foundation, we are doomed to repeat the same habits of our cause and effect.


While my struggles don’t necessarily affect my ability to train or my over all happiness, they are just there. Constantly threatening to spill over into my successes and remind me who I used to be. I just have to keep reminders in place and rewards for the successes. Just like we do with the dogs going through our behaviour modification programs. Checks and balances. Always balances.


So if you or your dog need a reminder here it is: the truth is we are all a little struggly at times. We all have our regrets, our pasts and our do-overs. That doesn’t make you unworthy. That makes you human. As for your dog, show them the way. Don’t flinch. Don’t waiver. Be their best friend and guide. Be their family. I have mine and my dog has me. 🔮🐾💜

We haven’t posted in just over a year. So much has changed...from heartbreak to new ventures honouring a best friend. Here’s the blog I wrote and never published mere weeks before losing my best friend in November of 2018. I hope to get back to these on a consistent basis (:

TRUTH TUESDAY


The truth is: all good things must come to an end.


The truth is: I’m in the final stages with my best friend.


I’m writing this now, because I don’t think I can then.


In the midst of great grief, I’ve grasped at every last bit of gratitude I have. Something. Anything to ease the blow my heart is about to take. So here goes.


I’m grateful for 12 frustratingly beautiful years with Bosco. He’s the sort or dog that makes or breaks you as a trainer. Maybe even as a human. He’s built me, my career...who I am. He’s that One Dog. The heart dog. While many more will come and go, there will never, ever be another Bosco. I’m grateful for the lessons he’s taught me and all the things a million books, research or seminars never could. I’m grateful for the experience of a difficult dog, made into a great dog. The kind that creates this kind of recognition - of the immensity of what you’re about to lose. Knowing, without a single doubt, that you’ve spent a great amount of time with the thing legends are made of. A legacy...he’s left a huge one.


Bosco has given me the opportunity to not only become an exceptional dog trainer, he’s also helped me meet some pretty incredible people. Though many have come and gone over the years, I’ve a deep gratitude for all of them. They’ve all played a pivotal role in the person I am today and who I will continue to strive to become. As challenging as young Bosco’s behaviours were, many people stepped up to help in countless ways. The people who allowed me to introduce him to their dogs, slowly. Those who watched him when a conventional kennel couldn’t. And the ones who shared their homes and lives with us. Never wavering in their belief that we would make something great of ourselves. And boy did we.


I’m grateful that through Bosco, I learned how to become flexible. To train with an open mind and an open heart. To train the dog in front of me. To never think for even a moment that you know how the training session is going to go! To keep horses in line, and let cats get away with playing with your tail. To be firm, but fair. To be tough, yet kind. And to never let ANYONE push you around. To stand your ground, always remaining beyond loyal to your tribe. Allowing others into your circle, even when it’s hard. Pushing through the stuff that made you so...rigid, and being willing to learn a new way. Never giving up. And loving your besties-fiercely.


Thank you Boss Dog-for the moments that became days, the days that became years, the years that became a lifetime. And a lifetime that is full of my most precious memories. Thank you for being That One Dog. The One that made me.


I don’t know what life is going to look like without you, but thankfully, I have a great tribe behind me that will ease that transition. I’ll learn new things in your absence, like how to adjust to life without you. Because all the things you have taught me, have prepared me for the rest of my life. You’ve set me up, given me the skills, the tools, the knowledge...to keep calm, and train on.


🐾🐺💜


I’m grateful for Corey and Courtney of Ward Woodwork Ltd for so many things. The love and support, the carpet that spans my home from doorway to dog beds, the ramp and second ramp to get the old guy onto my bed...the urn that is to come. All of it. Duke brought you into my life, and I couldn’t be more thankful.


I’m grateful for Stone Willow Veterinary in Lacombe for properly diagnosing my boy and giving him many more months with me. For always doing what is right by Bosco, and for being as kind as they were honest. True compassion shown in our worst moments.


I’m grateful for Lacey and Foxy’s for always letting my big, dirty farm dog use their beautiful facility and aqua walk. They always had his favourite cookies ready after a therapy session.


I’m grateful for The Complete K9 for nourishing Bosco’s body and providing exceptional raw food at an affordable price that allowed me to continue to feed him a great diet for most of his life.


I’m grateful for Squeaky Clean Paws for becoming a very important part of my life at a critical time. They are donating the Boss mans last groom, so that he can have one last day of luxury. Danna has been an exceptional human on top of an absolute professional.


I’m grateful for Open Road Photography. Lisa has given me some of the most amazing pictures of Bosco’s last Fall, our favourite time of the year. Her work is incredible and they are images I will cherish for a long time.


I’m grateful for Julee Willow. My word, the portrait she was commissioned for took my breath away. She captured his spirit perfectly. It’s something I will forever hold near and dear to me.


And to my dog club. Without you, I am not me. You’ve been nothing short of supportive, and you’re by far the best people on the planet. How lucky am I? For you, I couldn’t be more grateful. You’ve been my support, my rock, my foundation and my love. All of it when I couldn’t find it for myself. You’ve changed my life. Given me a purpose. And never let me stop following my heart, my passion, my dreams. Where we go from here, is something I look forward to with all my heart. The Boscarelli School For Dogs Who Don’t Learn Good 🙃

TRUTH TUESDAY


Many times a week I am messaged and asked for advice. More often than not, I have plenty of advice, but I've never met the dog. I have no idea what this dog's temperament is, how it reacts to stimuli, what it's physical condition is, or what it's response to reward vs correction is. I may have a good description given by the owner, and I'll guarantee you that it almost always includes the line, "we love him/her but...".


Let me tell you that it's almost impossible to describe a situation involving a living, breathing thing, and get an accurate piece of advice based on your individual canine and individual circumstances and situation. Plenty of times how an owner depicts a dog, is skewed. They can be too soft or too hard on the dog. Sometimes both. Almost always, they have a biased opinion, wether good or bad.


Past this, you wouldn't call up a mechanic, describe a weird sound and then proceed to try and fix it on your own...would you?


My time, my expertise, my opinion...and my advice...are worthy. They are valuable and I spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours honing my skills. I've learned off trainers far superior to myself, and I've worked my ass off to live solely off of dogs. Nothing else. Just dogs.


I consider myself a fair individual. I try to never overcharge. Ask my friends how easy it is to get me to take their money haha I keep all my fees within the "middle" range of my industry. I have giveaways, packaged prices, and I donate my time to causes that speak to my soul. I've also been known to help a sista out now and again. I LIKE helping people. I won't charge you extra when your consult goes over the hour mark, my boarding is per night vs per day (this makes a huge difference over time!), and I don't charge you mileage. Ever. I put my resources back into my passion. Building new outdoor pens, attending seminars, purchasing new equipment, expanding my dog club needs...and it's all Just. Me. I am a one man operation with a lot of amazing volunteers.


I'll continue to be that person, no matter what other trainers say. No matter what other trainers charge. No matter what I miss out on. I'm ok with where I'm at. I enjoy my life. I get to do the things I love, and spend my time with the people who matter. I don't have to work away and miss out on my life. I get to truly LIVE my life.


So the truth is, please consider me worth your while. When you have an issue crop up, and I've never met your dog, please book a consultation. Take a class. If not from me, from a trainer that suits your needs. There's plenty of good ones out there. Find your person. And if you do that, what I can promise you, is lifelong support of that dog. I won't ever leave you guys behind. Cause you're my people too. 💜🐺🐾🔮

Pictures of me at age 12 working my first dog, and 20 years later, still obsessed with it.

Was sent this picture this morning. A crazy, sad reminder. The devastation that was going on inside, didn't compare to the devastation I was surrounded by. I think this was a moment of sudden realization...how insignificant I really am. How easily everything can be taken away. That day, I made a new family. One built on a common goal of helping others. A bond forged with complete strangers. Emotions, trust...both were shared in a time of complete chaos. I'm often grateful for each and every one of you that I experienced this time with. Each of you has gone on to help me out personally, since our chance meeting. Each of you have given me hope, hands that moved, faith, ears that listened, laughter and a place to continue to heal. You were much more than Fort McMurray relief, you were also my own personal saviours. I don't know how to even begin to repay you for your kindness and love. Maybe one day you too, shall need me back. And I will be here. A thousand times. 💜🔥#AlbertaStrong
Alanna Davidson Jesse Gallagher Barry Cherneske Casey A. Johnson-Dunlop Bruce Dunlop Joe Bulhoes

TRUTH TUESDAY


Mental Health is just as important as physical health.


Most of us know this on a human level. We need to take just as good care of the mind as we do the body. For myself, I spent a few years focusing on my mental health OVER my physical health. Now it's time to focus on both again 😳🤣 We even compensate for the partners and spouses in our lives. We help them when they can't help themselves. We understand that often times inappropriate human behaviour is often a result of a lack of something or too much of something. Not enough mental or physical exercise, too much stimulation in our direct environment, poor nutrition, addictive behaviours, unaddressed post traumatic stress. And there's times when we need to step up for our human. Take their behaviours and help them find a way to manage them. Be the 80% when they can only muster 20%. Love them, but also help them set boundaries. Eventually, with enough respect, love and patience...you can help them find balance.


Some times the behaviours are too much for people. They can't or won't, be able to help another. It takes a special relationship to truly help a person overcome trauma, or correct a habitual behaviour. Rarely can we overcome these things without help. For myself, I had many people come and go during my mental health journey to balance. I had a lot of heavy past trauma to deal with. The load was great, and I put too much of that load on certain people. It pushed them away and eventually I came to rely on my service dog and a few select humans. I understood dogs and they understood me. Eventually I found a sort of peace. It was through support, love and hard work that I learned to control my reactions and find calm. I never thought I'd be the person who does yoga every day and utilizes canine and equine assisted therapy. Yet here I am, rocking it.


So whether the journey to peace is a mental, physical or spiritual journey (if we're being honest they tend to be two or all three in the end), we can all typically relate on some level. We need one another to survive and we need a new routine.


The same is true for our canine partners.


Mental stimulation is just as important as physical. Poor nutrition and under utilized working breeds are often a huge part of the problem when it comes to our dogs behaviours. Many times they are also dealing with too much stimulation in their direct environment and not enough mental and physical stimulation. The result can be the same as us: poor behaviours and over the top reactions. These can manifest as: digging, excessive barking, destructive chewing, separation anxiety, aggression or the inability to remain calm around other dogs, people, animals or vehicles.


Dogs also need our love, support and patience to overcome these things. We need to understand where their reactions are stemming from, and help them on a journey to balance.


What is your dog missing in their life? Do they need more exercise? More training? Less sitting around?


I can confidently mention that it is my belief that apart from trauma, most dog's behaviours are human created. We get a German shepherd and lock them in a small yard. We have kids and our dogs become a very small priority. We start our border collie in agility and never fallow through. We ignore it when our dog barks at a stranger, then panic when months later it turns into a nip. Then a bite. We leave it until it's gone too far. We're willing to put in the effort to help find personal balance, but get overwhelmed and defeated when it comes to managing our dogs
mental and physical health.


So when seeking balance with canines, we need to begin to give them what we would give our spouse. 100% when they can't muster anything but to fall apart. The dedication to get to the root of the problem. And a new routine.


Just as we need one another, our dogs need us. And we need each other. If you don't know where to start, reach out. There's so many willing and talented trainers in this area. Find one that suits your style. Put in the work. Make your dog a priority. Be their support. Start a routine. Find balance.


💜🐕🐾

TRUTH TUESDAY


My cousin paying tribute 💜this gave me goosebumps to see! It's the ultimate idea of "we are one". Every walk of life, every profession, every Canadian...mourns. This guy is the ultimate hockey dad! And he's also dedicated his life to serving and protecting us...but there's just some things you can't always protect. Accidents, tragedies...these things aren't a drug bust or domestic call. This is random and unpredictable and inconceivable. Yet, these guys will go out everyday and still, do their damnedest to try and never let any of us know this level of hurt. Every single day by monitoring our highways and responding to these calls when no one else would have the strength to. All of them would. Every single first responder deserves a tip of our hats. I just had a conversation about taking your hat off in places as a sign of respect. And this here, is the ultimate sign of respect. We remove cover for the anthem at every single hockey game across the nation. And so in this time...what a brilliant homage to leave his hat as a symbol of character. And love. I wish I had a "profession" hat to lay next to this. As we all take the time to put out sticks out, let us too, take off our caps and bow our heads as a collective, gesture of united love and togetherness. And as a tip of the hat to everyone who just did what was needed to be done in a time of utter chaos.


So today's truth?


Love one another.


I'd be remiss if I didn't take the time to acknowledge what has hit so, so close to home for so many families.


My own family, years ago, billeted players in this exact level of hockey. The AJHL. You may have a child playing the game, taking buses, leaving home to play...in whatever sense this tragedy has affected you, it is valid and it is real and you are allowed to feel it.


As these men ate, slept and breathed hockey, so do we with dogs. So for me, I kept thinking about my dog club family. How it would feel to lose one, never mind an entire group of them. We've spent thousands of hours together discussing, diagnosing, correcting, rewarding, playing, crying, rejoicing...we've laughed at each others goofs...cried in each other's losses...and celebrated each and every victory, no matter how small. We're a family. And to lose a member would be devastating.


Hockey's community is devastated.


So today, the truth is...love one another. Work hard, show up, train fair...out there on the field, it's just you and your dog. You're a team. You need one another to become that. And the thing that unites us is the theme of this picture. Love and respect.


Each and every time something has come up in my world, I relied on my dog family. They were my community. Even now, as I lose my best friend Bosco, they rally behind me with acts of love, respect...and support.


So let us remember to support one another in this time, and in all times.


Find your community. Find your tribe. Love them hard.

I've been processing the reality of what time I have left with Bosco. Last week he was diagnosed with wobbles. Which is a nuerological disorder that affects the spine. Soon, he won't be able to walk. And when this happens, our time together will come to a completion. How...how do you say good bye to 11 years of frustratingly beautiful friendship? It's impossible. And yet, I will have to.


Bosco was...is...not an easy dog. Incredibly talented, extremely intelligent, unwaveringly loyal. He has also always been very dog aggressive. This guy taught me everything I know about patience, unconditional love, determination, perseverance, quick thinking, game plans, new game plans, dedication and never, ever giving up.


Bosco made me a better handler. He changed my life as a dog trainer. He pushed me to try things differently and to find the way when everyone else believed there wasn't one. Ten years ago, he was at his worst. He "couldn't" be controlled. I was told he wasn't fit for the city, and he should probably just be put down. So we bought an acreage and became a dog trainer...the rest, as they say, is history.


Bosco now lives with 3 other dogs. On top of that, he's met and cohabited with dozens more. I know this dog inside and out, and I feel like I've given him a very exceptional life for "a lost cause". I've tried to honour him, the best way I know how. He's been apart of nearly every aspect of my life. He hasn't missed out on much. From camping to horse back riding. Teaching obedience classes, 4H and canine safety, he's also excelled in every aspect of the working dog world I've introduced him to. He's participated in personal protection, tracking, herding, scent detection and even gun dog. There isn't anything I've asked this dog to do, that he wouldn't.


He's been my very best friend.


So, as I prepare myself for such a significant loss, I can't help but smile at the life he's given me. And as I've honoured his life, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't honour his passing. We have the most epic summer tour planned for Bosco. Last horse rides, beach days, visiting pals back home, BBQs with all the burgers he can handle...and then, when he's had enough...we will lay him to rest and thank God for this experience. For a relationship that made me who I am. For a lifetime of memories.


When you have 11 years together, you can't just pick one photo that sums everything up neatly. So here's to all the adventures we found...and the moments that became a life together.

So...to those of you who constantly harass me that everything happens for a reason...I begrudgingly say to you: you are right.


Sorta.


This guy, the guy at the top...he was my One. He is my One. He broke me. But he also broke me open. And that's the difference between something that just is, and something that just is meant to be.


The reason he happened...was so that he could take my shit, until I could handle the pile myself. He happened so that I could finally face all the shame, guilt, sadness, trauma and hurt that was built up from years of repression. Repression that expressed itself as anger, frustration, anxiety, confusion and chaos...total and complete chaos. He happened to show me the way to myself.

And so I give you this. You were only sorta right because it's what we choose to do with all these moments that really makes the difference. Do we make the commitment to do better, be better...know better. Or do we give up on life and cease to carry on? It's the choices we make with the circumstances that we are given...that make or break you.


My advice? For what it's worth, from my experiences alone...Losing your way, is not the same as giving up. Make note of that. You are allowed to crumble, collapse, fall and skin your knees. Just get back up. Let the anger, frustration, confusion, shame, guilt and trauma be felt. Let it have its moment in your existence. Just don't let the anger, frustration, confusion, shame, guilt and trauma define you. Or your lifetime.


Feel the hurt. Lose your mind. Then take back your life. Hold your head up. Forgive yourself. Continue to be better. Every day.

I've chosen to remain single for two years now because I absolutely refuse to settle. I've also needed the time to relax, rebalance and practice. Lots of practice. While my "the One 2.0" is finding my soul, as is mine his, I will continue to love, forgive, laugh, enjoy and embrace. Sometimes I'll slip, and other times I'll find my grace. But always, I'll do all with only the best of intentions. I'll serve others and also remember to serve myself.


With only peace and love, I hope you have found the greatest relationship in yourself.


Happy Love Day 💜🔮


What a year 🙃