I took another walk in nature today and I asked for answers in the trees. I sat, barefoot, and listened. Nothing. Ok. Let's try again. I began to meditate. Still nothing. Nothing but my horse constantly nudging at me to get going. He'd nibble my hoodie and butt his head into me. I took and deep breath and all at once it hit me. Message received! That was it, I was finally enough. Riding my horse through the trees and listening to my inner monologue was more than enough. I had it all within myself to know exactly who I was, and why I was here. And that it's ok to be content. It's ok to take a break from pushing myself to be kinder, happier, more giving...it was ok to just be Me for awhile.
It's ok to like dogs a little too much. It's ok to ride my horse everyday and walk around the forest barefoot. It's ok to stop and literally smell the flowers. And it's ok to connect with nature, more than humans. It's ok to stop hunting with a gun, but still want to hunt with a bow. It's ok to believe in magic, and bring that into my canine training. It's ok to like wine on Wednesdays and to sleep in on Mondays.
It's ok to have fits of anxiety that feel like everything might be like it once was...and to breathe through those moments until I can stand on my feet again. It's ok to lose friends...and not miss them. It's also ok to miss them so much it hurts. To have to let go of them day, after day, after day.
It's ok to like dogs a little too much. It's ok to ride my horse everyday and walk around the forest barefoot. It's ok to stop and literally smell the flowers. And it's ok to connect with nature, more than humans. It's ok to stop hunting with a gun, but still want to hunt with a bow. It's ok to believe in magic, and bring that into my canine training. It's ok to like wine on Wednesdays and to sleep in on Mondays.
It's ok to have fits of anxiety that feel like everything might be like it once was...and to breathe through those moments until I can stand on my feet again. It's ok to lose friends...and not miss them. It's also ok to miss them so much it hurts. To have to let go of them day, after day, after day.
I kept riding and I kept finding out just how much I love where I'm at. It doesn't look perfect, it doesn't sound like a dream life...but it's mine. And I'm happy. I'm content.
I've made so many mistakes in life that I thought for a long time that I was put here to learn about struggle. That I was never going to be "just right", for anyone. I figured "one day" I would learn to get it right. It turns out that I was put here to learn patience. And to learn about love and trust. And that I always had those things within. That my purpose was the spread this love, through animals.
So maybe more than discovering that I'm "finally" enough...was truly understanding that I always was.
So maybe more than discovering that I'm "finally" enough...was truly understanding that I always was.
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