Following the separation from my significant other and having to face the world alone, it was becoming harder and harder to remember why I do what I do. I had to get a second job, milking cows, and I was desperately afraid that my dream job of working with dogs was going to fall out of my grasp. Working dogs became a sad time for me as I struggled to stay on top of the canine world. Instead of being grateful while I was on the field, I was constantly worrying about it slipping away from me at any moment. I even came to a place where I was thinking about throwing in the proverbial towel and getting a "real" job. That was, after all, what I had been told to do for years by those who didn't get that dogs were real to me. I felt them in every bone in my body.
Then, CTV called. They wanted to do a segment on me. They wanted to feature my dogs, my hard work. My passion. Message received, Universe.
They say that when you stray from your path, you will always find a way back. I can tell you with the utmost certainty, this is true. The divine energy out there knows exactly what it is that your soul longs for. It knows your destiny, and it has no qualms about shoving you right back onto the track that leads you back to a passion that has been the centre of your being for eons. You will continue to trip, if you don't heed her calling.
The day of my interview with this tv station, I went to my secondary job and was overcome with all sorts of emotions. I literally could not keep it together. I cried and cried while cleaning stalls and sorting dairy cows. Finally, my boss sent me home, reassuring me that these days happen and that it was more important to face the music, than tune it out.
I had worked so hard over the last few years to pick myself up off the ground, from my destruction, and gain control over my emotions and my reactions.
So I drug myself out of the barn, distraught and confused. How had such a great moment, become such a devastating place to end up emotionally? Well, I dissected it to the point of damn near boring my Mother to death. But I get it now. I had answered some questions for "society's sake" instead of for the truth in my soul. Which I'm ok with. It needed to stay light, and showcase my abilities instead of my tragedy. And I realized that a lot of those overwhelming feelings inside that barn came from a place of deep gratitude, versus a feeling of failure. I had convinced myself that a second job meant failure. That I wasn't good enough for my talents to carry me through life. Instead, I became deeply thankful for the opportunity to work for such amazing neighbours. This second job, it gives me the ability to financially keep my lifestyle, while still being able to pursue and maintain my passion for working with dogs. It's not a failure, it's a blessing. And past that blessing, it's an opportunity to learn how to handle employees with dignity, respect and compassion. Things I've been shown multiple times already in the short time of my employment with Van Der Gun Dairy. They are the epitome of working your tail off, sticking to your guns and having all that you dreamed of. If you're brave enough.
So I hope to continue learning lessons of kindness, hard work and commitment through not only the dairy world, but also from facing that music. And rocking out to the harmony of my soul. The calling...the mournful yet beautiful call of the wild...the howl in the wind, of the wild canines of this world. Dogs. Always dogs.